Growing up...

Ok, so today, my precious baby boy was 6 months old..And I cannot believe it! It honestly feels like yesterday when I was rushing to the hospital because my water broke at 12:30 AM. I am so gracious for all the love I have received from logan and Kurt, and knowing that they are truly loving me and taking care of that boy is enough for me to remember to get through each day. Along with my Lord, Jesus Christ. Who reminds me everyday of my sacrifice, but also of my blessings that I have received since...


It's really hard for me right now, because I feel as if I haven't seen Ethan since we were in the hospital, even though I have...I miss him everyday, but I also know how much of a gift he is to logan and Kurt. I look at my life right now and think about if I was to have chosen parenting, and would I have been where I am now. Would the Lord allowed me to stay at Fatherheart and work to get back on my feet or would he have given me a bigger challenge...I am so thankful for listening to the Lord's voice when it came to the decision of whether to place Ethan for adoption or parent him. I am just so used to "giving up" and just taking what seemed to be the "easy" way out, even though in the long run, it's always the hardest!!! I have just totally done a 180 in my life, character wise and spiritually wise. I can see the difference, which means more to me than to probably others. Because I know what I used to be and I don't see any of that anymore. 


Just pray for me to continue to walk this journey out the healthy way!!! It's hard doing the hard things sober, and having to feel these feeling, sober....But I know that it's a lot harder than sitting in prison or 6 feet under...


xoxo
jordan